Someone takes a swing at Lampard, FA ban Adebayor for another game, “just in case”.

From a wholly unreliable source -

Bergkampgallery.com were shocked to find out that the FA are to increase Adebayor’s ban by yet another game after an assistant referee’s report picked out Emmanual Adebayor as the guilty party during a fracas at the recent Spurs/Chelsea cup quarter final.

The Assistant, Mr Blind DumbAss-Cunt, from Tring, was quoted as saying, “I didn’t actually see the incident when a fan came on the pitch to swing at Lampard, and it is in these tricky situations where rule 351a comes into play – “It must have been Adebayor.”

Adebayor has accepted the ban and not appealed the decision to the FA due to a technicality his lawyer referred to as the “blind racist cunts” issue. Frank Lampard revealed that Adebayor had nothing to do with the incident in his opinion, but if that is what the official saw, then his hands were tied (Which made it very difficult for him to get his Mars Bar out of his kit bag.

Spurs themselves have made the rather odd decision of banning the suspected real guilty party from White Hart Lane for life – they appear to believe this will be a discouragement to future incidents and not just a way of rewarding the supporter. The fan himself was unable to comment as he was too busy celebrating – something he hasn’t been able to do inside the ground this late in the season for many years.

Secret recording of Wenger and Lehmann reveals truth about current Arsenal troubles.

I managed to get a preview of a covert tape recording between Jens Lehmann and Arsene Wenger which is to appear in tomorrow’s News of the World. Most of it is boring team stuff and bits of family chit chat, but after a pause half way through there is a section of insight about the three defeats in a row and the current state of the Arsenal side…it is quite interesting. I would have put it on yesterday, but it was in German predominantly, and my German isn’t that good.

Arsene: (after long pause)You’ll have to play tomorrow Jens. There is just no one left. We’ll test your shoulder in the morning.

Jens: You know I always want to play.

Arsene: (laughs nervously) You do. And the other 25 players that I have receiving treatment. I may have to start playing Liam’s [Brady] side!

Jens: No. You must not do that. The tide will change.

Arsene: (after pause) What, Jens?

Jens: (quietly) You do not know?

Arsene: Know what?

Jens: The Vice Chairman’s masterplan.

Arsene: Dein

Jens: Dein. He has been in discussions with parties about the lying cheating FA.

Arsene: I hate those racist bastards – why did they not send off Lampard and Cesc – white that’s why!

Jens: Exactly. But Dein’s revolution will come. (shuffling of paper) There are entrance points here and here. The FA will be forced to watch your video of the Carling Cup at gunpoint. They will be asked about Emmanuel [Adebayor] until they give the right answer.

Arsene: (laughs) Nice. But the bastards will probably ban him for another game.

Jens: But he didn’t touch Lampard, they wouldn’t be that stupid.

Arsene: What colour is Adebayor? Who does he play for? And he hit a nice white England boy.

Interesting reading I’m sure you’ll agree. Or maybe not.

Spot the difference

This originally had an unfair picture of Hleb and a donkey, comparing the two. The picture was added in March 2007, at a time when Hleb was not playing well and when Arsenal had exited a number of competitions in close succession.

As I write this in December, 2007, I realise I was premature in my criticism of Hleb. In the season 2007/8, so far, Hleb has been absolutely awesome. I apologise unreservedly for my previous criticism of Hleb, my judgement was wrong. It proves that Arsene Wenger is better at spotting talent than me, which is why he’s doing his job and I’m doing mine.

This all goes to show…Arsene knows.

theboyloizou
Dec 2007

I don’t like losing

Back to our usual format of letting Arsenal players write the content of the site. Today’s writer is Adebayor, son of Kanu.

Hello Arsenal fans all over the world, especially all my brothers in Togo. Ha ha whos the silly lanky boy now, eh? My best mate’s Titi now.

I have to tell you my friends that I did not punch Lampard. Nor did I aim a punch at Lampard. Nor did I take away his half time Maltesers.

I respect Lampard totally, my friends. There are not many players who reach his level of performance and success at both International and club level, especially given his disabilities. Unfortunately it has been a secret for many years that Frank has a fear of 7 stone weakling Spaniards.

Its true. Both Frank, and Michael Ballack for that matter, have a fear of going into a tackle or facing up to a fight with any dimunitive Spaniards of any description. Frank used to cry himself to sleep just thinking about touching Jose Antonio Reyes. It only happened in one game and both were still rolling around on the floor in fear of physical harm some weeks later.

I have to admit that as a 8 foot seven man mountain from beautiful Togo, I myself am most frightened of Cesc. Since he got his brand new Peugeot he really thinks he’s the man. I remember a big fight between him and Walcott at London Colney. It got pretty nasty and the boss had to seperate them with a pair of tweezers.

So, my friends, spare a thought for poor old Frank next time you eat a whole Tolberone – just imagine the fear you would feel if you had his condition and had to face the wrath of Cesc. It sends shivers down my spine, and my spine is 7 feet long, so that’s some shiver!

Anyway I must go now, I’ve got to go to my Salsa classes, and my partner Thierry is waiting. Boy he got some hips. MMMmmhmmm.

Until next time my friends – Voyez-vous dans la galerie de Bergkamp !

Kanu Emmanuel Adebayor