On the way there I kinda said that it was just for the day out and I didn’t care about the result. I did also predict that Walcott would score and that we would lose 2-1. I thought I’d be OK about it and I fucking wasn’t.
You see I forgot it was Chelsea. I forgot all those years of being a nothing shithead club. Second division. Sold for a quid. Bought by a bearded deluded furcoat wearing rabbit shagger and then bought up by a Russian oligarch who murdered and maimed his way to a billion. I forgot Chelsea’s glory days supporters with their fresh new shirts and their older die hard fans who have covered up their tatooes and skinheads and sold their razor blades and bought machetes since their recent upgrade.
We lost. I’m OK with that. It happens. A few more times in Chelsea’s history than ours, but it happens. What I can’t get over is all the crap about “the shame”, “the fight”, “the same old Arsenal petulance”. It fucking galls me that it comes against a team owned by a man who may well have blood on his hands, from Chelsea fans who used to have a reputation of having blood on their hands.
I heard on the radio people talking about the celery throwing stuff. That don’t bother me either. The day a game is stopped due to a vegetable is the day I stop going. On Radio 5 one Chelsea supporter said it was tradition to throw celery at players. As if Chelsea would know anything about tradition. Of course the unbiased BBC commentator agreed – it was Ok to throw celery, because at least it wasn’t coins! It was, he agreed just tradition….So what about the bottles that were thrown? Another listener asked if it would be OK to throw bananas. NO, was the reply, that would be racist and inappropriate.
So the message from the BBC is bottles and vegetables OK. Soft fruit and coins not OK. I wonder where they stand on tomatoes?
With the home game against Chelsea coming up, I suggest us friendly gooners, conscious of the place of tradition and history in our club, start up a new tradition of throwing things at players (especially dear old Ashley). I have compiled a list of things that may be thrown according to BBC guidelines (with thanks to Alan Green?):
1. Excrement. Your own faeces are perfectly acceptable to lob at any passing Chelsea player. Especially if you are a vegetarian.
2. Radishes and marrows. Two ends of the scale here. Radishes are of course small and useful for a long range punt at Lampard as he puffs round midfield like an outing of Weight Watchers on a Zepplin. Marrows for their sheer spread and volume should be deployed from club level only. Both in line with the BBC’s fruit and veg guidelines.
3. Coins. Even though the BBC have officially outlawed he throwing of coins at players, they have not ruled on chocolate coins. The game against Chelsea is in May, and melting sweaty chocolate coins may provide a lethal sliding hazard for the likes of Wayne Bridge to slide on and act like he’s been tripped with razor wire. Image the disappointment on Ashley’s face when he frantically picks up all the loose change only to discover it was merely chocolate (plus imagine the glee on Lampard’s face as he eyes his half time choccy snack).
All this has been officially sanctioned by Alan Green at the BBC. Not coins, not bottles, not bananas. Remember gooners – Tradition with vision.
See you in the Bergkamp gallery,
theboyloizou
