Baptista says sorry – I couldn’t help myself

Cumprimentos da besta!

Hello from Julio Baptista. Nice guy Dennis asked me to write a few words before the game against Hamburg (I really like those Hamburgers, extra cheese…Delicioso…mucho delicioso…I’ll be back in a minute…)

Sorry about that Arsenal fans, I just suddenly felt very hungry. Next door’s cat sure taste good flame grilled with cheese in a soft bap. Anyway, I know we must beat Hamburg (mmmm, no no, resist Julio, resist!), and with meu amigo Gilberto back from Brazil, we should be tighter at the back.

It is a real shame that William Gallas is to be injured for a while with a thigh strain, but it does mean extra portions at lunch so it is not all bad…mais carne para a besta…mmm.

I must apologise for the way I played on Saturday against Newcastles. Cesc bought in three puppies to training before the game and although I said I couldn’t eat a whole one, it seems I could…filhotes de cachorro encantadores…muito agradável!

Because of this I was a little slow on the pitch, and I really shouldn’t have stopped off at the donkey sanctury on the way…eeyore mmm.

I promise I will play better against Hamburg. Thierry has told me he will get me a tofu to have before the game. I have never had tofu before so I hope it is nice. I think I will eat its heart first.

Vindo em você vermelhos! See you in the Bergkamp Gallery.

The Beast

Thierry is the best – because I am no longer playing

Hello ingezetenen van bergkampgalerij!

Yeah, for sure, theboyloizou has asked me to write a few words of modest genius about Arsenal vs Newcastle from my point of view looking over my fans in my gallery. Yeah, I say sure, I can do that.

Well, Titi, in my opinion the best player since I retired, may not play tomorrow as he played 90 minutes for France in the week. Yeah, for sure he must be tired…more tired than I was after an evening spent in coffee shops and pole dancing clubs with Robin Van Persie one evening. Boy can that boy party, for sure. I had some great stories to tell Henrietta and the girls next time we were out doing the gardening. I can understand Titi being tired – I used to walk back to England from Holland internationals due to my fear of any form of movement that I cannot layoff a pass to before it arrives at its destination…Yeaah, for sure, you know that.

I think that, yes, for sure, Titi is the best in the world right now. Some say he disappears for whole games and that he has weknesses, but, yeah, nobody’s perfect…well not since my retirement, for sure.

I think we should have enough to beat Newcastle tomorrow, I hope to see my son Robin Van Persie on at some stage although I hear his wife is due to give birth soon – let’s hope the beast doesn’t find out when he’s just come back from a night out in a Dutch cafe.  Boy, he can eat a horse, for sure, or your daughter’s pony with one of Ashley Cole’s pets on the side for sure.

Anyway, until tomorrow, kom op u rood! See you in the Bergkamp gallery!

DB10

Henry scores, England bores

Thierry Henry scored a goal last night. Jolly good for him. Kolo played. Freddie didn’t (injured). Senderos and Djourou played. Aparently Henry is closer to Platini’s scoring record for France, fancy that you’d think by scoring he’d be moving away from it. So…Thierry in “breaks record shocker” could be a story soon.

Highlight of last night’s England game was Cole getting a yellow card. Perhaps, if he collects enough he can use them to cover up the graffiti on his house. Gallas has looked pretty pleased with himself recently, has anyone checked his kit bag for cans of aerosol (or arsehole as its ashleeee) paint?

Lastly according to ANR (would put a link in but his sites down), Pardew uttered three word to Wenger, and this upset him. Here’s my suggestion…

Until Saturday (will the waiting never end?) – see you in the Bergkamp Gallery.

TBL

England and Holland decide to spend the evening in a coffee bar because they can’t be arsed with the friendly tonight either

I made the stupid mistake of writing about Hoyte and Walcott last night, so with tonight’s exciting game ahead, minus RVP, I now have sod all to say. Hmm.

Some sites report that Walcott’s injury could be bad, so we won’t see him come on as a sub against Newcastle, where after playing attack vs defence for 80 mins, and its still 0-0, Wenger has no other idea what else to do to “freshen things up”….Please god, not another 0-0 groundhog day. More like against the scousers….COME ON YOU REDS.

Hoyte scores, Walcott Donked

Great, something to write about when the Internationals are on (and friendlies at that what a waste of time and isotonic liquid) – Justin scored a goal for England U21. Justin Hoyte, one of only three English players at Arsenal in the last 500 years, scored after an error by the Dutch keeper Boy Waterman (insert Minder gag here). Apparently Theo Walcott was injured with about 10 mins to go by Ryan Donk (great name mate, but leave our six year old whizzkid, one of only 2.3 English players signed by Arsenal in the past 780 years, alone!).

Sammy Lee was quoted as saying, “We dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, dig, it’s what we like to do…” as he wandered off pickaxe on back to bury some bird in a glass coffin.

Yes, it’s time…other people write shite about Arsenal, now I want to join in.

It was inevitable. After reading pages and pages of intelligently written articles and pages, and hundreds of pages of one sided foul-mouthed rants (my personal favourites), I had to get into the act and write what I liked about Arsenal without having anyone around to tell me “noooo!”.

My inspiration came from Mr Arseblog. Legend. The perfect combination – humour, intelligent articles and the word “cunt” liberally scattered. My respects to you Arseblog, and if this blog turns out to be a load of bollocks, then its his fault the cunt!

TBL